Movie Review:
Speed

 

Back in the 90’s people went ape shit for summer blockbuster movies. Every summer the silver screen was graced by beautiful faces and storylines that captivated the masses and provided a respite from the hot days in dank movie theaters where the AC was bumping and the fountain drinks were flowing. On June 10th, 1994 the theaters were packed with wide-eyed patriots ready to see America’s sweetheart Sandra Bullock and her leading man, the man that introduced a generation of idiot kids to Napoleon Bonaparte in the hit film “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure”, Keanu Reeves. In the blockbuster hit Speed, America got an intimate view into the Los Angeles public transit system in the mid-90’s.  And just like the movie’s plot, this film never goes under 50 miles per hour. 

“Pop quiz, hot shot.” Who is one of the most outstanding villains of the 90’s silver screen? If you answered Dennis Hopper as a disgruntled cop with expertise in explosives then you would be correct. Finding a winning combination in his amazing performance in Speed, it is hard to tell Dennis Hopper was an entirely different villain the following summer in the blockbuster hit Waterworld

With quick thinking, a quicker wit, death defying stunts, and MASSIVE cajones, Keanu saves the day with even more charm than an undercover FBI agent that surfs with bank robbers and can fight two of the guys from the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Keanu’s dedication to saving the patrons of the LA public transit system culminates in Keanu’s character being told “You're not too bright, man, but ya got some big round hairy cajones.” (Caution: Spoiler Alert. Although if you have not seen this film, can you call yourself an American?) In the end Keanu saves the day and he and Sandra Bullock’s characters make out with just the right amount of tongue to leave audiences clamoring for sequels.

After 25 years this movie still holds up and Keanu and Sandra are still American sweethearts.


Food Review:
Reese’s Big Cups

 

H.B. Reese Died in Florida in 1956. He is still dead, but a visionary employee of his company is still innovating Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. They asked America what they wanted and America replied, “make it fucking bigger.” They answered with the Big Cup and then decided to bring salty into the mix with pretzel crumbles to accompany the peanut butter in the center. The result is a glutenous wet dream.

Mouth Feel: 4 stars, the church of the pretzel. Delightful and stimulating.

Durability: 3 stars, it will hold up in a backpack.

Share-ability: 5 stars, buy the king size and share with a friend or be selfish and enjoy both.

Satisfaction: 5 stars, life feels better for at least a few minutes, or at least until the guilt sets in again.

Contributor: Blah Blah G.B.